


When we meet again

by Matsu



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 04:50:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11006343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matsu/pseuds/Matsu
Summary: This is the translation of the wonderful Chinese work http://archiveofourown.org/works/10961466The story is basically about Kimi waking up to be 10 years younger and being given another chance to interact with Seb at that time. The "past" and "future" Kimis are intertwined throughout the work.





	When we meet again

**Author's Note:**

> The original work is quite heavily Chinese/Asian style. As a result, there are instances where the subtleness is hard to get across in English. No cultural insensitiveness is intended. Please shout out if any. 
> 
> All credit goes to the writer, and all mistakes are mine.

What is worse than dozing off at your poolside and waking up only to find that you are who you were ten years ago?

Seeing himself much younger by using his smart phone as a mirror, Kimi could not help but be puzzle by his very presence.

Then the instinct kicks in – Does any choice that he has made in the past now go back to haunt him? Is this why he, or rather the younger he, is here?

No, none.

The Iceman shakes his head, and so does the younger Kimi in the mirror – the only difference being the tad bit of sharpness which is a testimony to the years that have passed.  


Not everyone is a fan of the idea of going on a time machine and returning to his younger days. Sometimes repeating the same life can be boring. After all, whether or not you regret a past decision, this is part of the journey that you must travel. Would your life become better if you get to choose another time?

Doubtful. A new choice will probably only lead to another disappointment, and with that, regret.

 

An out-of-date phone starts to vibrate when Kimi is deep in his thoughts. The small, low-resolution screen shows where the call is from –

Seb.V

His lover.

Kimi hastily picks up the call.  


“Hey Kimi, it’s me.” Sebastian's unique childish voice gives a bit of comfort to Kimi who is still struggling with what is happening at the moment. “I am on my way.” Seb is obviously excited. “Well, I am not calling to ask you to hurry up, but the fact is that I may well be at your doorstep in ten minutes,” he keeps talking without noticing the utter quietness on the other side – or maybe he has never intended to let Kimi chime in. “I've dressed up for tonight. Gosh, you are taking me to a party. I am super excited. Can’t wait to see you!”

“… Me too …”

“Uhh? You mean you also cannot wait to see me?” Seb laughs.

“Yes……”

“You sound a bit...weird…today?” Kimi could tell that Seb is pulling away from the phone, possibly to confirm he is not calling any wrong person. “Never mind. Maybe I am too sensitive… Getting into the car now. Remember to be downstairs in ten, or should I say, nine minutes.”

With that, Seb hangs up.

 

It looks like the younger Kimi planned to take Seb to a party. Carefully going down the memory lane, Kimi seems to recall such an event – ever since he gave Seb who was trembling in a winter airport a free jet ride home, the two of them have made big strides in their interactions – before that Kimi only thought of the younger German as a talented, lively and popular new kid on the block who has come to this merciless paddock with the innocent smile of a rabbit. Nothing more, nothing less.

Kimi has heard of Seb's reputation of being very talkative since the very beginning the latter entered the world of Formula One, and he gained first-hand experience of this during their plane ride together. Surprisingly, Kimi did not find that annoying – and considering he is a Finn who hates socializing of any sort, this is no small achievement on Seb's part. Seb is of a sanguine disposition, with a smile that makes people relax – their homes are even within half an hour of drive. Kimi and Seb talked much on that plane ride home, so much so that they exchanged numbers and have been in touch ever since.       

Now Kimi remembers: today, the past Kimi took Seb to a private party, booze, girls, nothing more.

Nothing.

Well, if deepening their friendship can be touted as any meaningful takeaway.

But it is clear to the Kimi who is here that such takeaway would not be satisfying even to the old him, not to mention who he is now.

Taking a deep breath, Kimi says to himself: although he has no idea what to do next, he just could not waste any time on something as boring as a party.

–  You see, sometimes it is not bad at all if you are given a second chance.    
 

"Hey, I'm already here. Where are you?"

Seb is never late.

"Plan changed," Kimi says over the phone, "come'on in first."

Opening the door for Seb, Kimi is greeted by something that he has not seen for years, something that reminds him of the most cherished memories deep down in his heart: a young boy with curly hair that is a bit long, a young face without unattended beard, and innocent blue eyes and a warm smile that have never changed throughout the years. 

– The person you love is just irresistibly adorable, anywhere, anytime.

 

Resisting the urge to hug him, Kimi lets Seb in.  
"You've not even changed!" The complete opposite to Kimi who is sloppily dressed, Seb apparently has prepared meticulously for the party. Wearing a brand new T-shirt and a new pair of shoes, Seb glances over Kimi's fluffy hair, "Do not say you just got up?"

"Well, I slept in." Kimi admits unashamedly. Sleeping in and thus arriving late at a party has never been of any concern to Kimi – after he instantly attracts spotlight whenever he arrives. And, he has decided not to go partying tonight. "I don't feel like going. Parties are all the same." He says to Seb who is making his way in. "I am thinking about…err, watching a movie at home?" Kimi secretly hopes that his faint memory of having once bought quite some DVDs does not fail him. "Or rather, you prefer going to the party?"

Giving a quick glance to Seb, Kimi is a bit worried that the young boy may be more interested in going to the party as having a night in for a movie is an invitation made on impulse.  
"No, no, no party." Seb replies almost instantly, hastily waving his hand, face blushing. "I like watching DVDs, too. I mean I'd rather staying here for DVDs than go partying." He looks nervous, and keeps wringing his T-shirt to the extent that creases are created. "Only … the two of us?"

Kimi is amazed to find the boy's blushing face and the anticipation in his eyes, things that he is all too familiar with, on that Seb who is ten years younger. Now he feels slightly annoyed – he, or rather, the ten-year-younger he, never managed to capture such cuteness from his lover at that time.  
"Yes. Go and find out what you want to watch there." Kimi blinks his eyes, realizing that he is gazing at Seb too hard. This gaze should've never come from the younger Kimi, and it is making Seb blush even harder. Somehow Kimi also starts to feel unnerving, but he quickly re-composes himself, "And I will go see what we have in the fridge."         
Kimi shows Seb the way, and goes to the kitchen alone.

– Remember no rising intonation and always speak with a flat tone.

Being complacent will make Seb sense that something is off. After all, what is happening now cannot be easily explained and understood in a few words.

Kimi silently reminds himself.

Thankfully what's left in the fridge, although not much, is more than enough to survive a movie. In any case, Kimi plans to take Seb out for dinner afterwards. There should be a decent restaurant nearby, Kimi vaguely recalls.

When he returns to the living room with some drinks and refreshments, Kimi finds Seb sitting on the floor carpet with legs crossed, taking one DVD from the CD shelf for examining and then putting it back. As the shelf is embedded on a low cabinet, every time Seb has to lean forward to reach the DVDs. And with that, a bit of the pale skin around his lower back is exposed, and quickly covered again by his T-shirt.

Until his T-shirt is no longer being dragged up – Seb is contemplating with one DVD in his hands. “You want to watch this one?” Kimi asks, making it sound as if he has just entered the room.

“I'm not sure. Have you watched it?”

Kimi glances over the cover of the DVD and shrugs – in fact his attention is diverted more to Seb’s lean arms and long fingers. “I can count with one finger of the DVDs I've watched among this stack”. Kimi says, putting down the food.

This is Kimi being honest – he does not have much time for movies anyway.

“Ha!” Seb grins. “Then this one it is!”

Kimi cannot help but notice that Seb's back is exposed again.

Seeing what Kimi just put down – half a bottle of vodka, a bottle of juice with sponsor labels and a bowl of nuts, Seb is visibly annoyed: “Why juice? I am already twenty.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Kimi could not hold back his smile. “What do you want?”

“I though you would treat a German to beer”. Pouting, Seb lifts the juice bottle with two fingers and passes it back to Kimi. “Beer please, in the largest mug. Danke.”

While the player reads the disc, Kimi goes to exchange the juice for the last two cans of beer in the fridge. On his way back to the living room, Kimi switches off the light, effectively making the setting sun the only source of lamination. When he turns over, Kimi notices Seb quickly turning back to face the screen. The disc is still being read.

A glance like that. A mere ordinary glance like that.

In fact, the room is so dimly-lit that Kimi is not even 100% sure Seb glanced at him.

Without saying a word, Kimi makes his way back onto the sofa in front of the screen.

 

The movie starts. The light is dim. The sun is setting. It's getting difficult to see things across the room. Seb is sitting on the carpet, a glass tea table between him and Kimi.

At one time Seb sneakily (or so he thinks) tilts his head towards Kimi. It turns out that Kimi is also looking at him, if the faint screen light on Kimi's face is anything to go by. 

Seb immediately turns back like a startled pet, hoping Kimi has not spotted his foolishness.

"Why not sitting on the sofa?" Kimi points to the vacant space next to him.

"Can…can I?" Seb's voice cracks.

"Sure." Seb is a classic case of a fool in love, Kimi thinks to himself, too easy to see through. He opens a can of beer, and hands it to the German. "Your order, sir."

Taking over the beer and staring at where Kimi just pointed, Seb hesitantly stands up, gulps the beer as if making up his mind, and then swiftly makes his way to sit on the sofa with his head lowered.  

His actions are so stiff to the extent that they are funny. Kimi laughs out loud, "Take it easy." He gives a pat to Seb's back as a comforting gesture.

On the contrary, he could feel that Seb freezes.

Kimi puts his hand back to the armrest of the sofa. He knows full well that if he lets his hand stay on Seb's back, the younger man may get even more anxious. 

 

It is becoming very interesting now.

Kimi is not Seb, meaning Kimi does not play prank. However, at this particular moment in time, he wants to play a prank on Seb as the future "Mr. Popular of the Paddock" is as timid and obedient as a little rabbit.

– And this is all because the two of us are together, or more precisely, alone together.  
The future Kimi smiles to himself.

 

The movie begins with descriptions of the male lead character's childhood after puzzling messages he left behind. The light emitted by the screen lit up the room. Kimi half-lays on the sofa, and quietly appreciates some unruly strains of hair on Seb's head, and well, the hair of his ears. Seb, sitting between Kimi and the screen, seems to be engrossed in the story. Putting the beer back onto the table, he arches his back and rests his elbows on his legs, exposing again that pale skin of his lower back.   

The lead character is different from the other kids from the start, but the pictures of his childhood are no longer bright once a drawing depicting a murder scene is shown. As the story progresses, Seb also relaxes in his posture. He falls back onto the sofa, and while doing that, touches on Kimi's arm which is resting in the same place.     

Startled, Seb sits straight back again. 

  
"You look nervous." Kimi says. "Is being with me alone making you uncomfortable?"

"No, not at all!" Seb denies straight away, but sounds unconvincing.

Kimi does not take out his arm – it is perfect that Seb can rest his head on Kimi's arm. Apprehensive, Seb has nowhere to go.

"Maybe we should still go to the party?" Kimi asks again.

"Uhh? …oh, no…." Suddenly realizing how close he is to Kimi, Seb holds his breath and is lost for words. He is blushing hard – maybe alcohol is to blame. "I never thought I would ever share a quiet moment with you alone." Seb lowers his head in the way kids do when they know they've done something wrong. "I'm sorry. I've ruined your precious rest time…"

"I thought we had spent time alone, no?" Kimi says, "I remember that you talked a lot and we had a good time. So just relax."

"Well, if both your performance coach and mine are not counted, then I would say that was 'spending time alone'."

Taking a sip of beer, Kimi says:" Seb, you know that I don't like doing people stuff. But, I only took you onboard the jet that day. What is more convincing than that?"

"Isn't that because I was the only one there?" Seb smirks.

"And I did not leave you behind."

They smile at each other. Seb adjusts his posture to more comfortably rest his head against Kimi's arm, and again turns his face back to the screen.

His adorable, cute younger lover is in his arms – stiff, blushing, anxious. In such close distance, Kimi can smell the shampoo fragrance on Seb's body – Seb has meticulously prepared for going to the party with him.

With Seb's body now against his own, Kimi can feel the warmth underneath the young man's cloth. It has been a long time since he last had a decent conversation with Seb when both of them are properly dressed.

The younger Kimi smirks to himself.

 

It occurs to Kimi that probably the whole reason why he was sent back in time is to enable him to re-discover the purity and innocence between him and Seb in the very beginning. Honestly Kimi believes neither Seb nor himself is to be blame. After all, they have so much going on off track and so little time to be really with each other. And when they are indeed in each other's presence alone, they inevitably end up having sex. If this is really the reason for his travel back to the past, Kimi contemplates that it is better to send Seb back first – Seb always leads, on bed and in life. They get along, whether as teammates or as a couple.

 

"If, I mean if you can go back to the past, will you choose to change the past in order to change your present?" Seb suddenly asks.  

Kimi quickly realizes that Seb is referring to the movie. "No, I won't."

"And why is that? You see he went back, changed what happened and saved her."

"Similarly, other things in the future will change. He will never be able to have everything perfectly under control," replies Kimi. "If my past is the reason why I have anything that I cherish now, I would rather go through the pains again than losing that anything simply because the past is changed."  

"So, do you have anything …anything that you want to cherish now?"

"Of course." Kimi says. Looking at Seb who is now leaning against his arms, Kimi adds, "things I cherish deeply."

"If, I mean if …" Seb rolls his eyes and continues, "by changing the past you could get your hands on what you cherish now much earlier, will you do that?"

–Now, this is a question that merits careful consideration.  
 

Kimi has to admit that what Seb offered is very attractive and tempting. Come to think about it: he would not need to wait for that distant future season when he becomes teammate with Seb; he could have Seb much earlier.

Nearly five years of struggles with emptiness, disillusion and longing could all be gone – if only he acts a bit more aggressively right now.

And Seb is just next to him.

"You are hesitating." Seb smirks. "You are really thinking about this, aren't you?"  
"Well, it's tempting." Kimi shrugs. "But I'm still concerned that what I do will affect the current situation that I know. So I won't change the past. This is my way of cherishing the things I love." He looks into Seb's eyes, and Seb is looking back earnestly.

"This is indeed what I expect you to do. You are always cool-headed."

"…You will get to see me being irrational in time."

"Hard to imagine that," Seb smiles, "but it must be quite a scene."

 

The male character goes back to the past and changes the choices he previously made – as a result the girl he loves is able to lead a better life and avoid suicide. However, those changes trigger a new set of bad happenings. He has to go back again to a certain point of time in the past in the hope of changing what is falling apart in the future. He never succeeds in making perfect changes. In the end, the male character comes to realize that there is nothing right or wrong with any decision a person makes in life – you cannot change others, but going back and not wreaking havoc on others may help make things a little bit better.

Nobody can act as God. Something has to go in order to achieve perfect happiness. But who is to judge what is perfect?

 

"Seems you are right. Correcting past mistakes will not make the future ideal." Seb says. "Everything is connected. Every time something beyond control happens. The ending is never what he has hoped for when he decides to change the past."

"Something new is sacrificed every time he makes a change. At least I know I'm having what I cherish now. That is why I do not want to change my past."

Once a person changes a certain point of time in the past, the future becomes Schrödinger's Cat – it might become better, or it might get worse. Maybe the future me no longer exists the second my past is changed, Kimi wonders.

As he is talking to Seb, Kimi suddenly feels incredibly sleepy. Instinctively he knows this is a signal of some sort.

Getting to know that his younger lover falls in love with him at a time more earlier than what he previously knew is joyful albeit complicated. Kimi will never forget how cute and nervous Seb is today. But now he has to leave Seb without properly saying goodbye,

\-- "I will come back to be with you." Kimi says in his heart.

Kimi will come back to be with Sebastian.

Kimi's vision starts to blur.  

 

Waking up, Kimi finds Seb from Toro Rosso leaning against his shoulder. Feeling Kimi's move, Seb opens his eyes, looking confused.

"I must have fallen asleep." Seb says. "Did I manage to catch the ending?"

Kimi does not say anything because he also fell asleep. In fact, he had a chaotic dream where he was with Seb at one time beside his swimming pool and at another time in this very living room where they watched a movie. 

– Kimi could not recall the faces in the dream. But he knows they are Sebastian's and his. It has always been Sebastian and himself.

The movie has run its course and the screen turned blue. Beer cans quietly stand on the tea table. Kimi switches on the light in the room, the sudden brightness making him squint his eyes. He does not think half a bottle of vodka can put him down, not to mention that he has not even finished it. But he has seen what has happened tonight in his dream. Was he sleepwalking?

"I’d better get going. I had a great night." Seb's red ears are strikingly visible under the light.

"It's still early. Can I invite you to dinner?" Kimi says and decides not to think about anything that makes his head ache. "I'm kind of hungry and I know a nice place nearby."

"It would be my pleasure."

 

Kimi opens his eyes abruptly, and instantly sees Seb who is supposed to be at an event now.

"You actually fell asleep beside the pool. You would get sunburned." Seb sounds worried. "You should be thankful that flights have been cancelled due to strikes at the airport. Otherwise you would probably be dried up when I'm back next week."

"I did not know I would fall asleep. It feels great you were the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes. We now have one more week of vacation." Kimi sits with Seb beside the pool, on the same deckchair that was there before he fell asleep. Kimi can now confirm he is back to the present.

"I had a dream." Kimi says, taking Seb's hand.

"What's in the dream?" Seb cups his face and leans to kiss him, "You were smiling in your sleep. It must be a nice dream."

"I was in the forest, and I met a rabbit."

===END===


End file.
